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I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory…

It seems like everyone loves to post things about the New Year in the first few days of it. Most of the time, I fall into that category. I want to encourage you as you go into the New Year to seize opportunity and make your year successful, however you define success. This year my post comes a little later than usual, and with a little more sadness than normal.

14 years ago today, my mother died. I’ve written lots about it in the past and I imagine I’ll write more in the future. The reason I do is because it was a day to changed my life. You probably only genuinely get a dozen or so of those days, and that’s been the biggest one for me. Writing helps me with the sadness, with the grief that is still very much there. Of course it gets easier, but on days like today, it’s a little harder to deal with.

I can’t believe it’s been 14 years. In some ways, it feels longer. My mom has become almost dream-like now. I know she was real, but sometimes she feels like she wasn’t. 4 years from now, I’ll have lived just as long without her as I have with her. That’s crazy to me. Occasionally, she becomes real again. I’ll hear a song or smell her perfume and it’s like she’s in the next room.  I swear sometimes I can hear her call my name…that’s the freaky one haha.

My mother lived to be 47 years old. I obviously hope and plan to live much longer than that, but the thing that I can’t shake from my brain is this: if I died at the same age as my mother died, I currently have 15 years left to live.

15 year left to make an impact, to leave a legacy. 15 years left to accomplish everything it is that I want to accomplish.

How scary is that?

Again, my plan is to live much longer than that, but the biggest takeaway is time is short. I sometimes think “Oh I have plenty of time to do this” when in reality I don’t. As much as I plan to live a lot longer than 15 years, I don’t even honestly have that guarantee.

So here’s what I am going to do while I’m still here.

Not waste time – it’s the most precious gift we have, and it’s one that we tend to take for granted so often.

Stop wasting time on things I have no control over – From here on in, I no longer worry about things that don’t affect me or that I can’t do anything about. Why focus on those things when I have no power?

Do the damn thing – Stop dreaming of things and just start doing them! People waste their whole lives wishing for something. Wishes don’t do anything – work does. STOP WAITING

Stop investing in people who don’t invest in you – I’m sure you can think of someone off the top of your head that you value the friendship more than they do. That you feel like you’re the one who reaches out and gets nothing in return. Toxic relationships of any kind are horrible for you. Get rid of them.

No more negativity – I’m not saying, “no more sadness” or “no more bad days”. Those will happen. But I am saying no more negativity. No more wasting time on things that distract me from my goals, my friends, or my family. If you can’t get on social media without having an argument over politics or name changes or whatever, then get off of it. There’s nothing positive coming from it – why put it in your life? I used to get on Twitter or Facebook and read comments from COMPLETE STRANGERS over issues that I can’t control that would infuriate me and put me in a bad mood. WHY? What’s the purpose of it. Why do we all do it?

To sum up, my New Year and the years after that I want to live this way – Never wasting a day, moving forward to the next goal and journey, and picking the best people to be by my side. No more waste, only love, peace, and joy.

I live for my Mother – I am her legacy. I live for me as well.

I think this is the best plan for us both.

Thanks for reading.

I’m rooting for you always.

3 Replies to “15 Years Left…”

  1. Thanks I needed to read this today. I am rooting for you too. I currently changing my outlook after so much sadness. The Zoo, your awesome dude!

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